Making Friends – Part 1 Settling in

At work, you follow protocol.  You greet people in the lift and say “Mahlzeit!” (literally meaning mealtime) to all and sundry between the hours of 11:30am and 1:30pm. You call “Schönen Feierabend!” as you head home for the evening and a “Schönes Wochenende!” on Friday afternoon.  You brought a cake and savoury snacks when you started your job, you offer more cake on your birthday.  However, no amount of treats brings success, you don’t have any friends at work.  I’m here to tell you; “Fret not, hold firm!” German friendships are notoriously tough to master.   

In the English-speaking world, we often play fast and loose with the term friend. In Germany, there are many other categories that cover people we might consider friends. Traditionally, Germans are much more reserved and private. You can be lots of things before you acquire true friend status. But when you do get down to “Du”, complete with “Bussi”* left, “Bussi” right, a hug or a high five in greeting, you´ll have made a friend for life. 

*kiss

Acquaintances versus friends - to which pigeonhole might you belong?

Der Bekannte/ die Bekannte – acquaintance.  You know this person in a superficial way.  You’ve been chatting together at the gym every Friday for the past two years or even go for a coffee randomly.

Der Arbeitskollege/ die Arbeitskollegin – work colleague. Internal staff at your place of work, directly employed by your company.  Definitely not a freelancer, that would be an “Externer”.

Der Kollege/ die Kollegin – colleague.  Can refer to someone in the same profession.  Though separated by thousands of miles and unbeknownst to each other, my local Munich dentist referred to my dentist in Ireland as der Kollege. Young men also use sometimes the term “Kollege” for a friend – so it can also be used in a wide range.

Der Partner/ die Partnerin – can be of a romantic or business nature.

Der Lebensgefährte/ die Lebensgefährtin– long-term partner.  Term older people use for their long-term boyfriends/ girlfriends.

Der Genosse/ die Genossin – companion.  Sharing a hospital room with someone? That’s your Zimmergenosse or room-mate.

Der Klassenkamerad/ die Klassenkameradin – class-mate.

Der Mitschüler/ die Mitschülerin– school-mate,

Which categories should you aspire to?  You want to be somebody’s “Spezl” or “Kumpel”, at which stage you might even refer to them as der/die + Surname.  “Ach der Maier wieder!” you cry, as you roll about laughing at your good friend’s latest shenanigans. 

So how exactly do you reach this back-slapping congeniality we all crave?

Read on in Part 2 on how to make friends.

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